Biophysics

The Autobiography of Methuselah by John Kendrick Bangs

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By John Kendrick Bangs

Having lately handed into what my great-grandson Shem calls my Anecdotage, it has happened to me that maybe many of the reminiscences of a kind of prolonged life upon this globular[1] mass of airborne dirt and dust and water that we're happy to name the earth, could turn out of curiosity to posterity, and i've for that reason, at [2]the earnest solicitation of my grandson, Noah, and his sons, Shem, Ham and Japhet, consented to place them into everlasting literary shape.

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This Chapter of the Autobiography of Methuselah is made up entirely of fragments. The manuscript of the preceding chapters was found in fine condition, and entirely unobliterated by the passage of the centuries since it was written, but beginning at this point cracks appear, and in some places such complete fractures as make the continuity of the narrative impossible. ) AS TO WOMEN The position of woman among us will doubtless prove of interest to posterity. Our matrimonial laws are not all that they should be, in my judgment, though there are men who consider them as nearly perfect as they can be made.

A pair of very handsome yaks A leopard and hyenas two; A brace of tender canvas-backs, A camel and a kangaroo. A pair of guinea-pigs were placed In state-rooms off the main saloon, Along with several rabbits chaste, A 'possum and a gray raccoon. Now all went well upon that cruise, And they were happy as could be, Until one morning came the news That filled old Noah with misery. — Were versed in plain Arithmetic; The way they upped and multiplied Made Captain Noah mighty sick. And four days out he turned about, And made back to the pier once more To rid himself of all that rout, And put the guinea-pigs ashore.

A pair of guinea-pigs were placed In state-rooms off the main saloon, Along with several rabbits chaste, A 'possum and a gray raccoon. Now all went well upon that cruise, And they were happy as could be, Until one morning came the news That filled old Noah with misery. — Were versed in plain Arithmetic; The way they upped and multiplied Made Captain Noah mighty sick. And four days out he turned about, And made back to the pier once more To rid himself of all that rout, And put the guinea-pigs ashore.

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